Posts tagged ‘street harassment’

Club Etiquette: How NOT to Act

Most people who know me at this point in my life also know that I don’t go to the club very often. Even though I’m an extreme extrovert who loves to dance, I tend to shy away from a club atmosphere–especially during the week during the happy hour circuit.

However, as the weather gets warmer and my urge to break out the strappy heels and tubetops gets greater, I will from time to time venture out with my girls. Now normally I can go to the club without incident, but recently I’ve seen people–particularly Black men–engage in some very ridiculous behavior. So, I thought I’d help the brothas out and provide of list of what NOT to do at the club.(1)

This is a continuation of a list of rules I had talked about on Twitter a few nights ago after returning from an interesting night at my least favorite place, The Park at Fourteenth here in Washington, DC. (Washingtonians, don’t judge me–I went as a favor to my soror. Besides, she makes everything fun. And overall, I guess I can say I had a good time). At the request of a few of my readers, I’ve decided to turn my tweets into a real blog post. Wanna hear it? Heah go:

1.-Do not hover over a girl and her friends. You won’t believe the number of times I’ve been somewhere and a man simply hovers. Literally. He sits there with his jack and coke while my girls and I are sitting down at the lounge or wherever and just looks at us. Not a good look, fellas. If you want to talk to me, then talk to me. Don’t be a punk.

2.-Do not make known your silly assumptions based on how a girl and/or her friends look. For instance: If we say that we are members of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc., the appropriate response is NOT “Oh, I didn’t picture y’all as Zetas.” The same goes for if a woman says she’s a hill staffer, an engineer, a social media strategist, an MBA–that type of response is surely not a compliment.

3.-Do not act overly impressed if I use an SAT word. It only makes you look dumb. Again, this type of response is not a compliment.

4.- For those of you without a wingman: if you are talking to a girl, and her friend is close by, do not accuse her friend of being nosy. She is not being nosy, she is being a friend. If it bothers you, step your game up and get a wingman.

5.-DO compliment a woman on her overall look and style. I like when a man says he likes my hair, especially when I just got it done.

6.-DON’T Compliment a woman on her body in a suggestive or sexual way. “you got nice lips” is NOT the same as “wow, you’re pretty” or “you have a great smile.” I have nothing esle to say on this.

7. Don’t follow me around in the club. I do not come to the club to acquire a “club boyfriend” for the night. Just because you buy me a drink, chat me up, and/or look halfway decent doesn’t mean you can stay attached to my hip all night. Stop the foolishness.

8.-Don’t grab my ass in the club. Or any other part of my body. I shouldn’t even have to tell you this. I know that if I wear skinny jeans to a club or a lounge, men will look. I realize this. But please. Unless we are dating, then there is no safe space for that kind of touching. This is not an R. Kelly song.

(1) I realize that this list doesn’t have any rule pertaining to women…that’s simply because I had a hard time thinking of any. So if you do, feel free to comment 🙂


are women really getting into strange cars?

A few weeks ago after a friend’s birthday party, I decided to take a cab. As I was hailing the taxi, I had about 6 cars pull up next to me. Men were asking me if I “needed a ride” and calling me things like “baby” or “sweetie.”

Most notably, after I was getting annoyed and frustrated, a man about 60 slows down on the other side of the street. “I’ll give you a ride baby,” he says.

“You are NOT a cab,” I shout out.”

Then this fool says,

“aw girl, I need a lil gas money!”

I waved him off and he kept driving.

Also, a woman about 50 stopped too. “Do you need a ride, baby?” she asks.

“Are you a taxi? NO, I do NOT,” I say.

Then this heffa decides to get indignant. “well DAMN, I was JUST TRYNA BE NICE!”

She drives off, mumbling curses.

I want to know today,

Are women really getting into strange cars with strange people?

The reason why men (and some women) do this, is because it works with some of us. And that part really scares and worries me.

Do you know how many women end up beaten, killed, kidnapped, or raped under these circumstances?

Why is this working with anyone?

I am a single woman in Washington, DC, which still has a high crime rate. I can’t take any chances and I hope my sisters out there aren’t either.

I just was so angry. Firstly, to approach me like I’m a damn prostitute and THEN insult my intelligence by thinking I’m going to get into a car with a stranger?

You slay me.